Happy New Year! You're Fired.
A group of us went out for dim sum today to celebrate the lunar new year. The group consisted of two partners, five associates, and two secretaries. I sat next to one of the partners, because, well, that's how I roll.
As soon as we sat down, we started getting ready, pouring tea for everyone, placing our napkins in our laps, picking up our chopsticks, checking out the carts, and so on. They had a nice assortment of hot sauce, hot mustard, and soy sauce at the table, and as the sauce tray went around, some of the Asians started teasing the pale, round-eyed folks about whether they could handle the hot sauce.
"You sure you can take that? By they way, are you going to need a fork too?"
"Oooh, that sauce is really hot. Watch out, it'll burn your pale flesh."
You know, crap like that.
The partner sitting next to me - a very decent, austere, proper, politically-correct, serious, well-respected, brilliant lawyer - smiled grimly and cleared his throat. At which point, I figured I was dead, because let's face it, I was the one doing most of the trash talking.
But, Mr. Partner ignored my childishness and started to tell a story in his well-spoken, authoritative, and precisely-enunciated manner.
"You know, speaking of hot things, my wife the other day was heading out to go..."
At which point, I couldn't help myself. I just had to do it. I immediately jumped in and stopped him. I felt eight pairs of eyes burning into me. Looks of horror. How the hell could this dumb first-year associate dare interrupt a senior partner?
I opened my mouth and blurted out, "Mr. Partner! Um...you just said 'speaking of hot things...my WIFE...'"
Everyone stared. In that second, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was pretty sure I'd be fired before lunch ended.
But then EVERYONE busted up laughing, including Mr. Partner. I think his face turned a little red too. The associate next to me suggested that perhaps I was a bit too junior to be making such comments. I immediately apologized to Mr. Partner, and he was totally cool about it. When he was done laughing, he immediately quipped to his secretary, "Make sure you tell my wife that I said that."
I love the partners at my firm.
But I still think I'm getting fired.
As soon as we sat down, we started getting ready, pouring tea for everyone, placing our napkins in our laps, picking up our chopsticks, checking out the carts, and so on. They had a nice assortment of hot sauce, hot mustard, and soy sauce at the table, and as the sauce tray went around, some of the Asians started teasing the pale, round-eyed folks about whether they could handle the hot sauce.
"You sure you can take that? By they way, are you going to need a fork too?"
"Oooh, that sauce is really hot. Watch out, it'll burn your pale flesh."
You know, crap like that.
The partner sitting next to me - a very decent, austere, proper, politically-correct, serious, well-respected, brilliant lawyer - smiled grimly and cleared his throat. At which point, I figured I was dead, because let's face it, I was the one doing most of the trash talking.
But, Mr. Partner ignored my childishness and started to tell a story in his well-spoken, authoritative, and precisely-enunciated manner.
"You know, speaking of hot things, my wife the other day was heading out to go..."
At which point, I couldn't help myself. I just had to do it. I immediately jumped in and stopped him. I felt eight pairs of eyes burning into me. Looks of horror. How the hell could this dumb first-year associate dare interrupt a senior partner?
I opened my mouth and blurted out, "Mr. Partner! Um...you just said 'speaking of hot things...my WIFE...'"
Everyone stared. In that second, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was pretty sure I'd be fired before lunch ended.
But then EVERYONE busted up laughing, including Mr. Partner. I think his face turned a little red too. The associate next to me suggested that perhaps I was a bit too junior to be making such comments. I immediately apologized to Mr. Partner, and he was totally cool about it. When he was done laughing, he immediately quipped to his secretary, "Make sure you tell my wife that I said that."
I love the partners at my firm.
But I still think I'm getting fired.
posted by Jacqueline A. Whole at
8:06 PM
3 Comments:
i was just thinking about you this morning and as i log into my home page, i see in google reader that you posted something!
you're so quick-witted. i'm so envious!
I would have been ashamed of you if you hadn't jumped on that. After all, it's only a job. You can always find another one. But the perfect zinger - priceless. Well done!
So what zinger ended your programming career?
I think that zinger was the "if I'M GOING... I'm TAKING ALL OF YOU WITH ME!!!!!!"
Not very witty that day... but I will admit, the hot wife line was pretty funny. Nicely done Jen!
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