Taiwan is the stupidest country in the world.

I hope China takes over really soon.

Uh oh. I'm sure tons of people are ready to hunt me down and waterboard me until I take back those statements. I grew up going to a church full of a bunch of die-hard Taiwan-pride types. Don't you dare call them Chinese. They're TAIWANESE, goddamit! Of course, they were so proud of Taiwan that they would do all they could to make sure their kids avoided the mandatory military draft. But anyhow, I digress.

Taiwan sucks. Their legislators scream, pull hair, and throw chairs at each other. Their cities smell like garbage and poo. Oh, and they have fucked-up debt inheritance laws.

My dad. He's like the gift that won't stop giving. Apparently, he's left a lot of debt and thanks to the advanced legal system of the stupid island of Formosa, those debts get passed on to the heirs. Well, I'm not too worried, since all of my assets are in the U.S., and the Taiwanese government has no jurisdiction over me. Even if his creditors got any kind of judgment against me and my siblings, I can't imagine them being able to enforce it at all. But my mom recently consulted a lawyer in Taipei, who suggested that just in case, we go to the trouble of filing papers in the Taiwanese courts to reject our inheritance. This way, if any of my dad's creditors get any kind of judgment against his estate, as his heirs we won't be liable and won't have to risk getting arrested or whatnot the next time we go back to Taiwan.

As if I'm ever going to return and set foot on that piece of shit they call an island.

But, as an attorney, it's unprofessional for me to be so hot-headed and shoot my mouth off this way. Earlier, I felt obligated to do a little research so I could help advise my brother and sister about what we should do. This is my conclusion: Taiwan is a sorry ass country with stupid ass laws. We should never go back there again.

(To my favorite niece: I'm sorry for all the bad words in this post. By my count, I now owe you five more dollars. Will you take a personal check? Also, Taiwan really isn't that bad. Aunty is just upset right now. This is called "freedom of expression". Something that makes America great. Unlike Taiwan.)