My slow descent into madness

For the most part, people can't tell that I'm slowly going insane. But I can tell. I see it happening in little ways, each day.

For example, last week at work, the nameplate of one of my coworkers fell off his door. Another coworker walked by, saw the name on the floor, and mentioned it out loud. "John Smith* fell on the floor." I overheard, and I burst out laughing uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. I had to shut my office door because I was so loud.

A few days later, I was alone in the bathroom and I thought about it again. I started giggling like mad. Someone walked in while I was laughing in the stall. I had to stay in there until she left, so she wouldn't know who I was. Shoot! I forgot to lift my feet up. She probably saw my shoes and figured out it was me. Sigh, now they'll all know I'm mad.

I try not to think about the nameplate on the floor anymore. Otherwise I start laughing.

Crap. I just thought about it. heeheeheehahaha. Shoot, brb.

Phew, haha, ok. Anyway.

Also, I've decided that crazy people sleep a lot. I spent the weekend sleeping. The entire weekend, I was asleep. I wasn't tired. I just didn't want to be awake. Well, I was awake for a few hours. On Saturday, I woke up at around 6pm to drive around for no apparent reason. I was afraid that driving around aimlessly could be a sign of madness. So I stopped by KFC and bought a gigantic bucket of chicken. In my twisted mind, a whole bucket is less crazy than a 2 piece meal. All I really wanted was a Coke. But they only have Pepsi there. I ate some of the chicken but ended up throwing most of it away. Then I went back to sleep. I woke up again soon after because my friends, David & Lynna, asked me to come out for dessert. We almost ate frog ejaculate at a Chinese dessert place. (Do a google search on "crystal snow"). Thank God we didn't. Chinese people are gross.

Sunday (today), I woke up for the third time. It was around 1pm. I watched some tv and decided I was tired of being awake, so I went back to sleep. Then I woke up again in the evening to have a fight with my mom. I'm tired.

Tomorrow I'll have to get up for real and pretend to be a functioning member of society again.

*My coworker's name is Mike Cox...

Happy hour for dummies

So I'm not so mad at an entire country anymore. I still think they have stupid laws, but I no longer wish for them to be overtaken by commies. It feels good not to be bitter. I feel like I'm growing.

Anyhow.

Today, I learned how to party with big firm lawyers. It was around 5:15pm, and I'd had a pretty hectic day. I was taking a break by sitting in a chat room with my brothers, discussing how we were going to handle the logistics of filing legal documents in a foreign country so we could reject our father's "inheritance". Right around then, a litigation associate walked into my office and announced that she was sick of working and suggested that we go get a beer at a local pub. I quickly told my brothers that I an urgent work emergency just popped up and logged out of AIM.

We then walked the halls to see if anyone wanted to join us. We were able to get two others litigators on board. But then on our way down the hall to the door, Lawyer 1 hesitated and said, "Shoot, I really should get some work done."

Lawyer 2 said, "Maybe we could just go get one drink, be back by 6pm, and then we can work some more."

Lawyer 3 said, "Crap, I've only billed 6 hours today."

I said, "Shoot, well then maybe we should just forget it and go back to work."

Lawyer 1, who started this whole thing, and then almost ruined it, said, "It would be best if we just had some beers in the office. Then we could just drink here and get to work."

This set us off on the office refrigerator scavenger hunt. "I think Jacoby N. Myers has a fridge in his office. Maybe he has beers!" No luck. Just cheese.

"What about Larry H. Partner? He's got a fridge!" Hmm, a bottle of wine. I don't think we should take that.

Finally, we decided that someone should make a beer run. Suddenly, everyone was super busy and had no time. But then, Corporate Associate to the rescue! I swear, those guys never have any work to do...We quickly took up a collection of cash, and then went back to our offices to bill for 20 minutes until he came back.

He promptly returned with 2 six-packs. But then we realized we had no bottle openers. God, so we had to start raiding people's offices looking for tools we could use. Paralegal to the rescue! She had one on her keychain.

So then we were all sitting in my office (the smallest one out of all of us...not that I've taken out a tape measure and checked...that would be too petty...I paced it instead) and drinking our beer. We were pathetically proud of ourselves for being so naughty on a Tuesday night! We drank our beer quickly, carefully placed the bottles in the recycling bin, quietly said good night, and returned to our offices to bill a few more hours.

Taiwan is the stupidest country in the world.

I hope China takes over really soon.

Uh oh. I'm sure tons of people are ready to hunt me down and waterboard me until I take back those statements. I grew up going to a church full of a bunch of die-hard Taiwan-pride types. Don't you dare call them Chinese. They're TAIWANESE, goddamit! Of course, they were so proud of Taiwan that they would do all they could to make sure their kids avoided the mandatory military draft. But anyhow, I digress.

Taiwan sucks. Their legislators scream, pull hair, and throw chairs at each other. Their cities smell like garbage and poo. Oh, and they have fucked-up debt inheritance laws.

My dad. He's like the gift that won't stop giving. Apparently, he's left a lot of debt and thanks to the advanced legal system of the stupid island of Formosa, those debts get passed on to the heirs. Well, I'm not too worried, since all of my assets are in the U.S., and the Taiwanese government has no jurisdiction over me. Even if his creditors got any kind of judgment against me and my siblings, I can't imagine them being able to enforce it at all. But my mom recently consulted a lawyer in Taipei, who suggested that just in case, we go to the trouble of filing papers in the Taiwanese courts to reject our inheritance. This way, if any of my dad's creditors get any kind of judgment against his estate, as his heirs we won't be liable and won't have to risk getting arrested or whatnot the next time we go back to Taiwan.

As if I'm ever going to return and set foot on that piece of shit they call an island.

But, as an attorney, it's unprofessional for me to be so hot-headed and shoot my mouth off this way. Earlier, I felt obligated to do a little research so I could help advise my brother and sister about what we should do. This is my conclusion: Taiwan is a sorry ass country with stupid ass laws. We should never go back there again.

(To my favorite niece: I'm sorry for all the bad words in this post. By my count, I now owe you five more dollars. Will you take a personal check? Also, Taiwan really isn't that bad. Aunty is just upset right now. This is called "freedom of expression". Something that makes America great. Unlike Taiwan.)

Rest in Peace

My dad passed away this weekend.

I never got to say goodbye. I never got to thank him for all the sacrifices he made for us. I never got to cuss him out for all the shit that he did to us. I never got to really understand him. So now I'm left with a sense of loss, a lot of misdirected anger, and a ton of unanswered questions.

I believe the healthy thing to do is to focus on the happy memories I have of him. Unfortunately, I only have bittersweet thoughts about my dad. He was a goofy, silly, funny guy, and was always playing with us and entertaining us as kids. But I can't recall happy events without triggering a feeling about how frigging sad and hurt I was when he left. I wish I could separate the thoughts in my mind, but after years and years, my brain seems to have rewired itself. Now each memory of him being a good dad seems to be connected to a feeling sadness and loss rather than one of comfort and happiness.

I think I need electroshock therapy or something.

Happy New Year...sort of

My apologies for the lack of posting these past few weeks. A lot has been going on. Work was kicking my ass. I was also in the process of buying my first home, so I was very busy trying to get the deal closed. I'll be moving in a few months closer to work.

Also, I just got back from a weeklong trip to Asia. I received a phone call in the middle of the night on new year's eve, that my father had suddenly been taken to the hospital. It sounded very serious so all of his children immediately flew overseas. He was unconscious when we arrived and has not woken up. It seems unlikely that he ever will.

I'm still processing everything that's happened. I was really looking forward to 2008, since 2007 was not my best year. Here's a quick recap of last year.

- Diagnosed with major depressive disorder and started taking meds
- Graduated from law school
- Bought a motorcycle
- Started dating a great guy
- Took the bar exam
- Started a new job
- Broke up with the guy
- Became a borderline alcoholic
- Passed the bar exam
- Went to Spain with my sister
- Quit taking meds
- Bought a new house
- Found out my Dad was dying

Needless to say, it's been a year of extreme highs and lows. I'm exhausted. Here's hoping 2008 will be a more stable year.

I'm sure I'll be back to my jolly self in a little while. I have a fabulous Christmas Eve story to share with you all, so hang in there. Oh, and I still owe you all a second installment of the poop story.