My Star Wars Nickname

So on one of my cases, they decided to give everyone nicknames from Star Wars. At first we were all just "the kids" and the two partners were "mommy" and "daddy". Me and my fellow first year were considered "the twins", even though he is a tall skinny white guy, and um, I am not.

We soon realized the family motif wasn't working so well, because we were getting too dysfunctional. There was tension between "mommy" and "daddy", and "the kids" were worried they'd get divorced.

ANYWAY, someone came up with the bright idea of Star Wars nicknames. My former twin was quickly labelled C3PO, so by default I get to be R2. It seems to fit well with my former tech background, and people seems fond of telling me to "jam my fist in there" whenever I'm doing anything with the defendant's software.

Unfortunately, I mentioned these nicknames to my mother. She's taken quite a liking to it, and now refers to me in the third person using my friggin nickname.

(speaking to me on the phone) "Oooh, me better not talking so long. R2D2 sounding tired."

(in person when I come to visit) "I not eating yet. R2D2 is hungry?"

Sigh.

Oh, watch this clip of an adorable 3-year kid summarizing the plot of Episode IV. Priceless.

Helpless Buffoons (aka First Year Lawyers)

Wow. Less than six months as a lawyer, and I've already become completely inept. Two days ago, I had to get my secretary to teach me how to send a fax. Again. She's already shown me like three times.

This evening, I need to mail a letter to opposing counsel. All the secretaries are gone, and my favorite paralegal has left for the day. I just walked into my friend's office and asked, "Hey, um, do you know how to mail a letter?"

After laughing, he responded, "You know, it's sad that you have to even ask that." Then he paused, and continued, "But it's even sadder that I have to tell you that I have absolutely no idea."

Crack is whack, unless it's from your mom

The following is based on a true story.

Once upon a time, there was a child who rode the bus to and from school. One day, after riding the bus home from school, the child had some trouble at the bus-stop. With a heavy backpack full of books, the child slipped while trying to step down from the bus. Arms flailing, legs slipping forward and giving way, the poor thing landed with a jolt, smack on its bottom.

The entire crowd of children on the bus witnessed the fall. Laughter ensued, much to our youngster's dismay and embarrassment. Suffering physical and emotional pain, the child bravely got up, and somehow made it back home.

Soon, Mother called to check that her child had made it home safely. Sniffling, the child answered the phone, but hearing Mother's voice brought back the tears. Through the sobs, Mother was able to piece together the fact that the child had fallen off the bus. Mother called Father, and then she rushed home from work.

Father called to let the child know that Mother was on her way. The child began sobbing again, not because of any physical pain (although it was later discovered that the tailbone was cracked), but from the embarrasment of the situation. All the kids were LAUGHING at me!!!

Soon, Mother arrived home and did everything she could to comfort her child. Hugs, words of comfort, offers of snacks...but nothing would work. The crying continued. Eventually, Mother changed out of her work clothes into her comfy home outfit, and began to do chores around the house. Father would be home soon. The child, still sniffling and inconsolable, followed Mother around the house.

Busy cleaning up, Mother bent over to put things away in a lower cabinet. As she did so, her sweatpants slipped down revealing a tiny bit of ass-cleavage. The child, standing behind Mother, observed the crack, and in true wise-ass fashion said, "DANG! I hope you don't show that to all the people at work!"

And miraculously, the child was no longer upset. All was well in the world now. Well, except now, Mother was not happy.

Quitting Bad Habits

I always have these random moments during the year, where I feel the need to make some self-improvements. In that spirit, I decided last weekend to quit two very bad habits.

1. Smoking (oh, I know. Here we go again. Let's see how long this lasts.)
2. Talking to my ex.

So far, I've done very well with #1. Up until Sunday, my daily routine would be to crawl out of bed, stumble to the fire escape, and light up. Then I'd get ready for work. On the way to work, I'd have about 4-5 smokes in the car. Then there were all the breaks during work. Another 4-5 on the way home. And maybe one more before I go to bed. Ugh, it was actually pretty disgusting, now that I think about it. Anyhow, since Sunday night, I have not had a single cigarette.

With regards to #2, I've also done very well...unless, well, unless email counts as talking. I had to email him twice about some business-related matters. Well, I don't know if I had to, but I did anyway. Ok, I'll stop emailing him too. Fine. Jeez, stop being so judgmental already!

Anyhow, I need something to quit starting next week. I have a few ideas, but I can't decide.